On Saturday I was fortunate enough to attend a friends pre-wedding celebration at the beach (they get married in Canada so wanted to celebrate with their Hong Kong friends). It was a great day full of swimming, BBQ, drinking, banter and laughs. I had not seen a few of these people for awhile so it was great to catch up and seeing my brother was here was a great excuse to introduce him to a few people.
As people started to arrive I was able to briefly talk with a few people. One of the first conversations that I ended up having was ofcourse one that involved my relationship status...and I must admit it caught me completely off guard. It has been so long since anyone had asked me so directly about it:
- So Amy, are you seeing anyone?
Me: "ummm (taken aback) no, no I'm not'
- "Is that by choice or you just haven't met anyone yet?"
Me: (seriously, does anyone actually in their right mind make a choice to be single?) - I think I blathered here a bit and tried to act confident "I just haven't met anyone yet"
- "Have you tried Internet dating sites?"
Me: (OMG! Leave it alone) "Actually yeah, I did it for a blog entry, and I saw ....... on there" (that's actually why I thought she had asked, I thought she knew)
I can't remember if I told her about the few dates I went on etc but it was so out of the blue I was shocked. This is something that I would get constantly in NZ but have not really had here at all - and I have liked it.
Don't get me wrong, this girl is lovely, was only probably making conversation, as we hardly hang out and it probably meant nothing but the fact that it took me so much by surprise got me
thinking.
This morning walking to the mtr,enjoying the incredibly quiet, clear, warm day, the conversation popped back into my head. It made me start to feel really bad....I haven't really tried to find a man here, I've put on weight, I've been really stand offish with guys, what about that guy? - all
those terrible self-depricating thoughts, that we all have at times but never deserve to be feeling.
Then it hit me...why the hell am I feeling so down about this, I have to be joking...look at what I am having to go through/been through in the last year...family and friends constantly on edge, a lot now without family and/or homes, basic necessities turned on and off like a light switch, visitors in HK, numerous procedures and tests, followed by more depressing results followed by a huge dent in the cash department, resulting in more tests, on top of that, a job that does my head in constantly...I mean, why wouldn't I be looking for a bf right now?!?! Read: sarcasm!
Thankfully these thoughts gave myself a HUGE kick in the butt and although I would love to be amongst the dating scene (I will be perfectly honest about that!), I'm not entirely sure how it fits in my world right now. I have to realize that other people only see the outside facts and have no idea of what else is happening in my life (and really don't need too).
PLUS- It was not what the girl said, it was more about how it made me feel which is completely my issue.
Oh well...maybe I can fit in some dating in NZ...hmmmm not sure how that will work with no CBD and being winter...hibernation is in fashion...oh well....back to the drawingboard!
Love RSG xoxo
(THIS POST WAS WRITTEN: 30/31st May)
