The checklist

It has come to my attention lately that there are some seemingly 'nice' guys in Hong Kong. 'Nice' guys that are NOT married, who do NOT have girlfriends and who are actively looking for someone to settle down with.

They are actively looking, using as their main weapon of choice - dating websites AND on occasion friend of friends links. They go on one, maybe two dates and then proclaim it wasn't right or give the "they weren't my type" line.  Listening to them dissecting their dates, I assumed that this was really the case, until I had heard the same thing over and over and over again.  I began to wonder...

'Why' aren't at least one of these women their type? Surely in a city of 7 millions people and with a guy determined to settle down it would be easy to hook a girl.  Apparently not....but why? These guys are not horrible to look at, nor are they hiding some freakishly weird habits, they are good guys.

It suddenly dawned on me, these guys are super picky! Don't get me wrong, everyone has the right to be picky, everyone deserves someone fabulous but seriously, surely ONE of these girls has got to be pretty amazing.

Then after chatting with my ex 'date', as we ended things (in a very grown up and amicable manner, I might add),  he said that 'being 36, nearly 37, he knew what he wanted'. My immediate response was fair enough....then I got to thinking (dangerous territory I know).  If he really knows what he wants, how, after 2 weeks and only 4 dates, in which he didn't even try to get to know me, can he figure out if I am right or wrong for him? 

My point is that when I first met the guy I was with for nearly 5 years, I did not want a bar of him. When he gave me his business card, I was thinking hmmm, no way josé (bear in mind, I was 19 years old at the time). As time went on (we are talking months here), and after we spent more time chatting late into the night at work and hanging out with groups of friends, a relationship blossomed.  BOOM, fast forward to nearly 5 years later.  He was totally not my type or someone anyone envisioned me being with but there it was. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, it was love.

Now, I'm not saying time is everything, it was not the easiest of courtships or relationships, but I do think time is a factor. 

However, time is not my point.  My point is that guys in Hong kong seem to think they know what they want (and probably do), however in the process as soon as they date/ meet anyone they do not give them a chance if they do not match up with their preconceived ideas. Skinny, tick, outdoorsy, tick, interested in cooking, tick, speaks her mind, tick, likes The Eagles, I'm outta here...only modern music on my list!

This method may work for some guys  however I am yet to see massive results. My friends remain single and pining for coupledom and wonder why they haven't met anyone yet.

Fact is boys, you've met heaps of great girls, some who are even right under your nose but do you look twice? Stop to really get to know them? Dig deeper?

Got a girlfriend yet? There's your answer.

Ditch the mental checklist and start enjoying yourselves - relax, enjoy the time getting to know someone. Have fun, you might just discover something you hadn't seen or let alone considered before.

Enjoy the similarities, embrace the differences and you may end up somewhere you want to be.

Give us real girls a real chance.

Love RSG xo

How small is too small?

I'm baaaack and jumping straight back into it. 

Think what you will. My reappearance could mean I finally have something happening in my life - remember I am writing about the reality of a single girl (droughts to be expected) - or just that this girl is over feeling f.i.n.e (fucked up, incompetent, neurotic and exhausted), and wants to get a bit of the noise out of her head.

So here goes, RSG back to reality...

I was recently, what I would call, dating someone.  Cue gasps, sounds of surprise, cries of 'really?' etc, etc. Yes. I know. I haven't dated anyone since I was in China - one dates and one nighters excluded. Believe me when I say, this is definitely NOT by choice. It is really not something one chooses and if they say they do, I am so sure they are telling you fibs OR they are sensationally deluded. Scratch that...let's make that if any late 20's/early 30's girl that lives in Hong Kong tells you that, then they are definitely pulling your leg.

Anyway, back to dating.I'm sure you're all disappointed to know that I will not be talking about him or his size below the belt, contrary to how the title may sound - cue his sigh of relief if he ever reads this.

What I do want to talk about is a few instances that happened while we were dating...yes, it's true, it's already over. Seriously, did you expect any thing less from this resident commitment phobe/ non- game playing, too honest girl?

We met through a mutual friend and after a pretty much perfect first date (well in my opinion), and follow up days, things seemed to be going well. I was loving the fact that it was completely anonymous as no one knew him that I knew and vice versa for him (well, except our mutual friend, but he hardly knew her).

As you may or may not know, Hong Kong is a busy city of 7 million, so really it should be pretty easy to be anonymous. For the first year and a bit of living here, it was fabulous- completely anonymous, no one knows you. You can be a reckless and it doesn't matter, misbehave a bit and no one judges you...however fast forward to year 4 and it's a completely different story. You bump into people left, right and centre, which can be really lovely but when you really want a bit of anonymity it cannot and will not happen. People know your business, you hear tidbits, it whets your interest, you have to ask and soon everyone knows yours and everyone else's business. Now, by no means am I saying that I am not guilty of this, oh no, I am totally wrapped up in this too. I hear a tidbit, I want to know more, afraid I'll miss out. Oh yes, I am TOTALLY guilty too!

However, when it comes to your own business, I'm sure everyone will agree, it's a completely different story!

I talked to a friend about my 'date' after meeting him on the weekend. We talked about what had happened and how I met him. Next thing you know, she's telling me she met him the day before and blah, blah, blah she shares more information about this guy than I already know....o.k...not so anonymous.

On Friday night, around about week one, I was excited to meet up with my 'date' later on. Before I met up with him, after a few too many drama filled drinks with the girls, I visited my friends band. Enjoying myself, I was happy to loose myself in the music and happily chat with a few people I knew that happened to be there. Next thing I know, one of them was knowingly pointing their finger at me and saying my 'dates' first AND last name. Obviously after a few bubbles I was taken aback and waited for what came next - a friend of my 'dates' friend, was best friends with this person, who knows me so then knew the situation and then dished the dirt on me back the the friend who then, to be confirmed, probably told my 'date'. Lovely. No more anonymity for me. Ok, deep breath, all is well, that's only 2 people, who may be from 2 completely different circles, but no worries, I can deal with that...right let's text 'date' to see his ETA. Next minute a voice appears over my shoulder, apparently looking at my message, "oh first name, last name, how do you know him, I know him, we went on a course together and you....blah, blah, blah and this person again goes on to tell me more about my 'date' than I already know. Hmmmm...anonymity blown right out of the water.

Ofcourse, me being drunk and after events from the previous year still being well and truly fresh on my mind (another blog completely), I completly overreacted and took it out on my 'date' (another blog entry altogether).

Cue a few more 'wow, what a small world' instances like this and I was left wondering...how small is small when it comes to how, where and when you are dating someone? Can you really achieve anonymity or privacy when it comes to your personal life? And if not, how can you really get to know someone, especially at the already unstable and unsure beginning (also known as the 'dating period'), if everyone knows and shares with you more than you know (or want to know).

Now, I know this is not isolated to just Hong Kong. New Zealand is especially prone to this with their clicky groups and limited places to meet people and lack of choice, due to already coupled up people.

Can you get past it? How do you get past it? Is this just a factor of dating that we all have to deal with?

As always, insight welcome.

All I know, is that being smaller than small may or may not have played a part in mine and my 'dates' demise, but in my opinion it sure did not help the situation.

Until next time...let's hope it's not a year later...

Love RSG! xo