The dating game

When did the dating game become an age game?  Better yet when did dating become a game?  Better yet, when did we actually start dating?  I mean seriously!!

Don't get me wrong, the idea of dating, or the cliched idea of dating that I know of, sounds fabulous, a little nerve racking, but fabulous.  However coming from little old NZ, dating is not a word that is used or experienced much.

I am not sure if it is just a NZ thing or if it happens in other countries, but dating in loose terms is just non existent.

The way to meet a man or boy depending on your strategy is one of 3 ways.  At or through work, through friends, or out in bars or more specifically, drunk off your face in a bar (nightclub) and then heading home with them.  If you make it through a night and on some kind of level (if it is ever possible in a drunken stupor), connect, then things may happen or progress.  Or, if you see each other again in town on a night out and you have a repeat performance, then you can count that as one step further to beginning a relationship.  Hmmmm dating?  I think not!

You see where I come from, you tend not to date but naturally progress from a casual relationship into a relationship and it usually starts with the two people swearing that they really don't want a relationship, and they may well mean it at the time, but as time goes on, things, chemistry or the people change.

So coming to Hong Kong or even China was a real eye opener to me. The idea of romance actually started to become a reality.  In Wuxi, continuing my home country customs I met a lovely guy, had a great night and then day, complete with DVD's in bed and ice blocks to ease the dehydration of a hangover and as I left to meet friends for dinner we parted ways, no number nothing.  Oh well, them's the brakes, I was used to it, and in some ways have come to expect it.

Imagine my surprise when I received a note on my door (having not heard the doorbell getting ready for a night out and singing at the  top of my lungs to 'Betty Davis Eyes' - BEST song ever), less than a week later, declaring this his last attempt to get ahold of me (he had emailed all of the local International Schools looking for me).  Long story short it was a great relationship full of romance, that lasted until he left to go back home, although he flew back for Christmas, gorgeous guy!

Next came, Emil (don't get a big head now, lovely boy), randomly met at a bar (surprise, surprise), remarked on Kiwi girls being cute, swapped numbers and then went out on a great date, he paid (strange for me, used to going dutch), had some after dinner drinks, a few games of Jenga (China bar special) and a lovely evening, followed by a few more.  Then he moved onto his next city (he was promoting Major League baseball in China).  Hmmmmm....I sense a pattern here!

Lately however, living in a very Metropolitan city - or what you hope would be a Metropolitan city - I have stumbled across the more widely known (or cliched/movie idea of) dating.  Unfortunately, it is not first hand experience for me but for my lucky and deserving friend.

After meeting at a very different place, they had a great night and then he proceeded to ask her out. Great right...well yes, but no, not really!  Did she have any idea what to expect? No!  Did she know how to act? No! Was I any help? NO!  Do we play games? Do they pay? What do we expect? What do you wear?  I mean seriously, the media/ movie idea of dating is ridiculously nerve racking!

After he let her know where they were meeting (thank god for modern technology and the internet) we were able to decide what she would wear and my nervous friend headed out to face the unknown.

Luckily, this man really knew how to put on a show, or genuinely knows how to date.  She was wined and dined, he had booked 2 restaurants just incase, entrees, mains and desserts were ordered, amazing wine, fantastic unawkward banter, walked home, kiss at the door and bobs your uncle - a cliched idea of a date!

Cliched? Real? Expected? Not in my book, and if so does this make us old fashioned or naive?

But my real question is when did I miss the middle part?  What is supposed to happen between one night stands somehow morphing into a relationship and then the full on media idea of dating?  Does it just come with age or is it a taste or country thing?  Where is the middle ground?

I certainly don't know! Does anyone?

Love RSG xo

OMG....I'm beaten in the game of love!

Gin Wigmore... you may be on to something here.  Especially with the line '2 years in heaven and 5 weeks in hell', except for the fact, in regards to my life it's '5 years in heaven and 2 weeks in hell'.....- 'where do I go now?????

I debated and debated whether to divulge this blog straight away and even though you may think badly of me, I feel that I really do need to actually document the life of a REAL single girl, bad thoughts from you or not!

Last weekend, on a strict budget (HK 7's is coming up!), I decided that staying in would be a good idea plus I had had a really crap week at work and needed to chill out.  So Saturday night after a rather energetic dance class, a great shower and yummy ordered in food, I sat and enjoyed a bottle of NZ's finest Sauv.

Great idea you are thinking...oh, how wrong you and I both were!

4 things happened after the consumption of that bottle of wine, all of which I entirely blame on that fateful bottle! So, here goes....the story of my downfall!

Number 1

I joined an Online Dating  Site!!!!!!! 

Now this is totally not like me at all! Just ask my friends, I have always been totally against this and even though I have friends who have met this way and some who are even married now, I just think it is TOTALLY not for me!  However in the spirit of this blog I was going to try it and see how it worked.  Believe me this is not my cover up excuse for it at all because on this night there was no thought of this blog at all, I just thought it was funny.....plus I was bored....and don't forget the bottle of wine!

Number 2

Shortly after laughing at the above, contemplating pouring myself a vodka (when to stop! Oh well, it's safe drinking at home...hmmmmm, Amy...really?), I texted some friends to see what they were doing and I noticed that a guy I know (and had had a few dalliances with when I was at home for my sisters 21st - now, that's another story), was online on Facebook! Oh, LORD....the dreaded FB!  Of course, feeling bold, I messaged him and as it was about 3am his time, he was in bed!  Now, seriously this guy has got a YUM, sex on toast body and when he called me on Skype  I was panicking!  Picture me - sitting on my lounge floor, next to takeaway remnants, an empty bottle of vino, my hair freshly washed in an array of messy birds-nests and no makeup!!!  He had to be kidding!!!!! Persisting, I answered and having no idea how to turn off my camera...(damn Apple)....I ducked down to give him a lovely view of my lounge - lucky him!  There he was, all shirt off, sex on toast, in bed...did I mention YUM! SO anyway long story short, feeling bold, talks turned to our past dalliance, our recent dalliances with others and then a few other things, ending up with me seeing his 'diddle' - yes, I said 'diddle' - on Sykpe!  Jesus, seriously!  But seriously, it was pretty YUM!  Hehe - nervous giggle!!  I mean what else could I have done....I'm a RSG, not a porn star...I have serious body issues!!!!!! Shortly after that, not really knowing what to do and feeling slightly like a teenage girl, I hung up and got ready to head out and meet some friends......I know, I know - what happened to my weekend in, you are asking....my answer....that damn bottle of wine!

Number 3

It was 11pm by the time I meet my friends and as they had been drinking since 1 they were not exactly in the best state!  After bumping into another friend, well, someone that nowadays I would merely call a colleague or acquaintance (that's ANOTHER story!), my friends decided they could exit.  Feeling slightly ripped off, my determined nature kicked in and I was in for the Jager Bombs and the long haul.  I vaguely remember seeing some other friends, the colleague inviting me to go walking the next day, explaining his 5.45am start with coaching a team and me saying yes to both options, him not believing me and then all of a sudden (or not, who would know?!?), he was gone and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the morning, in my bed with slight flashbacks of the rest of the night!  Here goes -

• A red head
• Some free Cosmo's
• An accent
• The name Nicholas
• A taxi ride
• 2 magnum mint chocolate ice creams
• Feeling sick
• Throwing up down the side of my bed - twice
• Lots of kissing
• Numbers exchanged
• Meetings in an hour
• Clock reading 5.45am

Hmmmmm, these aren't necessarily in the right order, AT ALL, but that is seriously all I remember from around 12 until 5.45am. Right!  SO after checking my phone, I was absolutely mortified!

Number 4

Apparently I had sent inappropriate and successive messages to the fore mentioned colleague/ friend/ now acquaintance! OH CRAP!!!! With no recollection, how the hell do you get out of that one, he had even sent replies...seriously...NO MEMORY...NOTHING!!!!  Apparently, you send a very offhanded text saying that 'No, you won't be making it and that far out, what a laugh the messages were! No reply was had, neither was one from the number I had been given!

Needless to say that day was spent on the couch, hugging a bowl and ordering delivery McD's.  Seriously, isn't the life of a real single girl just so fantastic and free and easy!

OH LORD! So there are my RSG confessions, open and honest, putting it right out there! It took me a few days to feel 100% and to actually clean my pigsty of a house - seriously the damage a person who drinks a bottle of wine by herself can do! Damn those strong and good New Zealand vintages!

UPDATE:

1- After laughing about it with some of my friends and my parents and receiving some interesting and some pretty dodgy emails from people, I took off my profile! I'm just NOT ready to make a cyber commitment!  I believe my Mum said 'Amy, remove it please' - I think she's on to something!

2- All I can say is....YUM!!!!!!!

3 -2 days ago I was still finding remnants of that night in my room! DENIED and yet another cringe fest was had! Not so YUM!

4- Apparently offhandedness works as the colleague (as I have decided he is know officially known as), queried me about the lack of messages he was receiving from me now and about how he had had a bottle of water with my name on it waiting, with assistant coach written on it! Haha...what a laugh...NOT!

Lesson Learned? 

After my 2 weeks in hell, I think a weekend in will do the trick.....maybe just one glass of wine to kill the boredom?

Love RSG! xo

Karma - his or mine?

One stands of the modern age

If you think real single girls are innocent and sweet and never kiss on the first date then, you probably cannot handle what I have to say next, so have a quick look at my regular life events blog, while I complete this story.

During the Chinese New Year holiday I was out with a few girls as you already know and we met a few nice boys. You know how the story goes, boy gets closer, girl plays hard to get, boy gets even closer, girl acts all coy, boy gets REALLY close, girl gives in.  First however there was a small conversation along this lines of this:

Me: 'Do you have a GF back home?'


Him: 'No, well, not really....'


Me: (Hmmmmm, yeah right)


Him: 'I'm just here to have fun, advance my career, blah, blah, blah...'


Me (Almost convinced) 'Well ok, so I'm going to go home in a minute..'


Him: 'Yeah, me too'


Me: ' So if you don't have a GF, you can come'


Him: 'I don't have a GF but I just want to have fun, you know'


Me: 'Uh, yeah (thinking: hurry up, I haven't had action in a LONG time, get a move on)


Him: 'So that's ok?'


Me: (Hurry Up!!!) 'Uh, yeah, no problem....why are you so worried about it?'


Him: 'Well, I have had problems before with girls who say that, but they don't mean it and it ends badly'


Me: (For god sake, get over yourself, this is a total one night stand, I just need some action!!) 'Um, I am sure we have absolutey no problem there!'

Exit RSG and her one night stand (who at the point is one of the best kissers I have ever kissed in my life), who I am thinking is totally going to be a heavenly treat that I so am looking forward too.

Enter KARMA (Numero uno!)

We get home, he admires my house, the size, decor etc, he once again reminds me it is just fun, blah, blah, blah, we start to get down to business.  

To cut a long story (or short story as it turns out), short and to miss out all the minute details, he turns out to be an experience that brings to mind behind the Square with my 'boyfriend' after school in 4th form.

No form, no awareness of the other person - a total 14 year old.  No skills, nada, nothing!!

Now I wish that I was just a girl who got jipped and was just taking her revenge on a guy, OH how I wish that was the truth! How can a 26 year old guy, who by the sounds of it has had some other dalliances both here and abroad, have absolutely no idea.

To top it off before we even got to the really good stuff, you'll never guess what he said!!!

Him: 'I've never done this before...'


Me 'WHAT!!!!!!'


Him 'Oh, I mean not in HK, I've only kissed girls here'


Me: 'And.....'


Him: 'Well, I'm not going to do any more, I feel bad'


Me: 'So you do have a GF!?'


Him 'No, I just feel like I am cheating on a girl I like'


Me: (So, why did you come home with me then?? Waste of time!) 'So kissing not cheating, right ok...no problem, so you can go then.'


Him: 'What? I can't stay'


Me: 'Well, no, not really, you only wanted fun, it didn't really happen, so what's the point in you staying?'

And with that I showed him the door!

Now I am NOT a person who randomly brings guys back a lot, as I mentioned it has been awhile, and I am a nice person to guys, however when a guy talks himself up and states he just wants to 'have fun', I think that I had every right after what happened to kick him out! I mean COME ON!!!!!

Anyway so moving on to KARMA NUMBER 2

So at some point during this kick out conversation he asks me what I will do if I see him again:

Me: 'Um, I think that is NO problem' (really???Just get out of here!!!!)

Him: 'Well, if you do, you know, we could just say 'hi' and then that's it'

Me: (YOu have to be kidding me!!) 'Uh, no, I won't be saying anything, why do you care?'

Him: 'Well, you know I don't want you coming up and you know if I am with another girl saying anything, she (the girl he likes) might be coming over soon.'

Me: 'Look, seriously, I think that we have no issue, if I see you, I will not be saying anything! (Walk right past or turn the other way might be a better phrase!)

Him: 'Well, you never know"

Me: 'Oh, I know' (Now get your shoes on and get OUT of here!)

So Friday night I decided to do something a bit different, I attended a New Zealand Society event - drink at Solaas Bar.  It was lovely, met new people, most of them older but was great to hang out with some fellow NZers.

We ended up heading out for another drink with an interesting character as it was still early.  Bumping into a few friends along the way, we finally made it to the bar of choice where a Philippino Band was playing right in the back of a bar, in a back room.  I had no idea that this part of the bar even existed.  We were listening to the band, resting with our Coronas on the bar (which was the only way to the bathrooms) when who loomed in front of me than Mr 14 year old on his way to use the restrooms!!!!

REALLY?.......I mean REALLY??????

Of course, I did what any RSG would do - I ducked and pretended to look in my bag for something. Obscenities came flooding out my mouth while my friends looked on bewildered.  I quickly filled them in just as he emerged...BUSTED!!!! I did the dig in the bag trick again, saw him standing behind my friend -'Shit! I will have to face the music...' Go to stand up and he is gone!

WHEW!!!!!

After establishing his whereabout - MIA - and after finishing our beers, we made a quick exit for an early night.

TYPICAL - he is in the front bar, directly on our path out of there.  I meekly hide behind my friend.

Question - A too small Hong Kong or KARMA (on my part or his?)

Lessons learned - 

1. Don't trust a Dutch man you meet at Duskies at 2am to deliver fun, it leaves you still craving action (or puts you off for life or gives you flash backs to the late 90's!) 
2. Boys - Don't talk the talk, unless you really can walk the walk!
3. AMAZING kissing does not a good action deliverer make!!!

How will we ever learn?

Love RSG xo