Who knows what they really want?

VS

A number of you might think of my absence of posts as a lack of interesting things to write about.  Unfortunately that is not that case...I am just a lazy single...dedicating my weekends to rest and recuperation trying to catch up on sleep and the everyday lies that people/ health freaks feed you, to make your life 'better'.  Well...I'm letting you in on a little secret...sleeping in - on a routine body clock...does not work...weekends are spent waking at 6.30 (wow...a sleep in...), and walking around bleary eyed trying to remember what I need to get done...damn it...I always said I would never fall into the trap of doing housework on a Saturday!

Anyway...one such Saturday about a month ago I tried to update my FB photos.  Randomly an old friend/ ex-boyfriend from Intermediate (does that really count?) came online and we started talking.  Excited at seeing what he was up to and seeing that he was looking pretty fine...I was happy to reply to his FB chat.

It all started rather innocently...innocent small talk...but it soon took a WILD turn!  I mean seriously, serious WILD...he asked the question.....yes 'that' question:

"So do you think you will settle down and have kids soon?'

OMG!!!!! Seriously!!! Is this guys serious...I mean this is like the 3rd sentence we have even uttered to each other since Intermediate! 

So, what could I do...my only response way to shoot back.....

"Do you????????"

Of course, him being a real bloke (New Zealand guy....for those of you who cannot read between the lines), he shot back..."Well, not now but I'd like to meet someone and have kids in the next few years" 

OMG...and this is a guy of MY age!!!  I couldn't even get my 5 year older boyfriend of nearly 5 years of being together to let me even move in with him.....what's up with that!!!

It really got me thinking.  What the hell am I actually doing here...am I the career oriented girl that I think I am, am I escaping from something or am I just trying to figure things out?

If this real kiwi guy could man up and tell me the truth about what he wanted...plain and simple...why couldn't I actually know what I wanted.

I started thinking is this just a NZ thing?  Is it because we live in and grow up in such a small country that we tend to meet the "right" person, settle down and get married/ have kids asap...putting it down (not giving it a second thought), to the way of life we have been bought up in.  OR is it just the family we are brought up in....good morals, loving family, family values, etc, etc?

I had to man(?) up and face the truth...but what exactly is the truth?

In my minute years in the 'commitment' game...I learned a few harsh lessons....and a few not so harsh truths that took me up until a few months ago to realize. 

The only question is...what do I really want???

Is this RSG chasing the dream of career and big city living or does she really want the life she grew up with...the steady, fulfilled relationship, a house with a backyard, cafe culture, a backyard filled with sun and friends on a Sunday and the comfort of things around her?

But who can really guarantee any of these things? What kind of happiness do we really want?

Should I stay or should I go?(home)

Now that is a dilemma....

Love RSG! xo